Just a quick update as it has been two weeks since my last post and all I have to say is, I have a new son. He is a completely different little guy. He is the fun loving, jokester kid that I haven't seen in I don't know how long.
He has received tons of praise in the last two weeks, which has been a huge self esteem booster. He is working independently at school with minimal adult assistance. He is able to pull himself out of his anger safely (most of the time) and the yelling and screaming at the house has dramatically eased. Homework is less arguing and fighting. Chores get done with little redirection. He has earned every one of his daily rewards at school AND at home.
I honestly have fallen in love with my son again. I seriously hope this will continue, but I plan on enjoying every minute of Z's happiness.
Saturday, November 21, 2015
Sunday, November 8, 2015
A light?!?!?! ... Maybe? Please not a train!
Some days are easier then others... for everyone. My days (as well noted in prior posts) are endless roller coasters of emotions. Emotions that range from elated to hell hath no fury and everything in between. About two weeks ago, I received an email from Z's therapist saying it is time to discuss meds. The first thing that went through my head was today's the day, the day I've been dreading! I knew this day was coming but I so hoped it wouldn't. So instead of burying my head in the sand, I immediately called the pediatrician's office, guns blazing and ready to saddle this problem. I thought, I'll call, they'll squeeze me in, he will be on meds by Friday, Monday at the latest. Good. To. Go. ... ... ... Yeah... not so much. The next available appointment is December 4. *screeching tires* Wait, WHAT?!?!?! I have to wait SIX WEEKS!
I'm not sure his teachers can survive 6 more weeks of my 'demonic when he wants to be' son. I hung my head in defeat, made the appointment and started on my quest to gather as much supporting documentation to help the Doctor understand what has been going on. Maybe... just maybe she will see how bad he has been and make it a point to at least call in meds. Hey one can hope right? I told the office staff that I would fax over the Vanderbilt Tests from his teachers, latchkey workers, and me; along with some emails. No problem, I got this! Yep, I got this all right... all 50+ pages of documentation. Looking down at my 4 inches of documentation, I decided I should just deliver the package in person. Now comes the waiting game... WORST. GAME. EVER!
I spent that weekend really sitting back and watching Z. Mom can I watch TV? Mom can I go outside and play basketball? Mom can you help me build Legos? Mom can you get my hat and gloves so I can play basketball? Mom I'll be right back I have to use the rest room. *whew* That was just 5 minutes. Z never came back from the rest room to get his gloves and hat, so I went on a mission to find him. He was in his room playing with his Leap Pad. WHOA! All this went on in 5 minutes and he is not even participating in one thing that he asked to do. Looking back, the flipping TV channels, the switching games constantly on the Leap Pad, the mass array of toys throughout the house, they were all signs. Every single one of them and I was too stubborn to see what was going on right in front of my face.
I spent the rest of the weekend and week beating myself up in silence, yelling at me in my head for being so self centered and so selfish. How long has this gone on? How long has Z been trying to tell me Mom I need help, and I just chucked it all up to normal 6YO boy stuff? Then parent/teacher conferences were upon us. Not only was I bashing myself, now I get to hear about how I chose to ignore this problem that started months ago, but we had to wait until it was your decision. Or listen to how much of a disruption Z is in class, or how destructive he can be. I was mentally preparing myself for the worst.
Conference day came and Z spent the day at Y camp while I worked. They always wear him out and as expected, he fell asleep on the way home. Dan agreed to stay at home so I could attend Z's conference. My appointment was at 7:15 but I arrived early on the off chance the teacher would be finished with the previous appointment. As I'm waiting I walked the hallway looking at all the kids artwork on the wall. One project was to describe a pumpkin. My son's was the worst of them all. Sloppy handwriting, broken sentences and thoughts, just a mess in general. Another project was decorating witches hats. Again, my sons hat is the one that is a scribbled mess. Others had designs, had drawn pictures, words wrote, etc. To me, another sign that I was failing my son. Along came 7:30 (along with the 7:30 parents) and I'm still waiting.
Finally his special education teacher came down the hall to see me, she gave me a hug and thanked me for everything I was doing for Z. Wait? WHAT? How could she say that knowing I could have come to this conclusion weeks ago? Z wouldn't be suffering like he is. We sat in the hallway discussing his classwork and certain observations that were going on. 7:40 came and Z's teacher finally wrapped up with the prior conference. She greeted me with a huge smile and said "WOW! Never in my life have I had a parent move as fast as you. I cannot wrap my head around everything you have accomplished for Z in the last 72 hours. You amaze me!" Okay... this is not what I was expecting.
Yes, Z is having behavioral issues but his work isn't really suffering too bad academically. Math is Zander's strength and English is his weakness. Most importantly he knows the work, he's proved it. He just cannot stay focused. He will get bored or convince himself the work is too difficult and he just shuts down. The teachers continued to dote on Z, saying how sweet he is, always helping, has a contagious smile, hard worker when he wants to work, they absolutely adore him. After listening to everything, I left the conference feeling really good about my son. I am positive that keeping Z off medication is going to hold him back. For the first time, I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. If we can settle his thinking and stop the racing thoughts, he should be able to concentrate and do his work, hopefully without as much frustration. That is my hope.
December 4 is such a long way out. My head was racing with thoughts, questions and concerns. How much is Z going to miss while we wait to get into his pediatrician's office? How much more can I take, physically and emotionally? Most importantly, how much education will he miss because of his inability to stay on task? I finally decided that this was how God wanted this story to unfold. There is a reason Z is has to wait until December. I gave this situation to God.
The following Tuesday night, about 6:30 my phone rang, it was the pediatrician's office. The doctor had looked at the stack of papers I dropped off and agreed Zander needed to come in sooner. Praise the Lord! Monday morning is our appointment. This is such a relief knowing on Monday, Z and I will take the first step to hopefully a bright (and less traumatic) future. I find myself now thinking about all the positive that the world can hold for us... mostly Z. It's about time for a new chapter in our lives if you ask me. Z deserves to be happy and to have a carefree childhood, well as carefree as possible. It's time to turn the page.
I'm not sure his teachers can survive 6 more weeks of my 'demonic when he wants to be' son. I hung my head in defeat, made the appointment and started on my quest to gather as much supporting documentation to help the Doctor understand what has been going on. Maybe... just maybe she will see how bad he has been and make it a point to at least call in meds. Hey one can hope right? I told the office staff that I would fax over the Vanderbilt Tests from his teachers, latchkey workers, and me; along with some emails. No problem, I got this! Yep, I got this all right... all 50+ pages of documentation. Looking down at my 4 inches of documentation, I decided I should just deliver the package in person. Now comes the waiting game... WORST. GAME. EVER!
I spent that weekend really sitting back and watching Z. Mom can I watch TV? Mom can I go outside and play basketball? Mom can you help me build Legos? Mom can you get my hat and gloves so I can play basketball? Mom I'll be right back I have to use the rest room. *whew* That was just 5 minutes. Z never came back from the rest room to get his gloves and hat, so I went on a mission to find him. He was in his room playing with his Leap Pad. WHOA! All this went on in 5 minutes and he is not even participating in one thing that he asked to do. Looking back, the flipping TV channels, the switching games constantly on the Leap Pad, the mass array of toys throughout the house, they were all signs. Every single one of them and I was too stubborn to see what was going on right in front of my face.
I spent the rest of the weekend and week beating myself up in silence, yelling at me in my head for being so self centered and so selfish. How long has this gone on? How long has Z been trying to tell me Mom I need help, and I just chucked it all up to normal 6YO boy stuff? Then parent/teacher conferences were upon us. Not only was I bashing myself, now I get to hear about how I chose to ignore this problem that started months ago, but we had to wait until it was your decision. Or listen to how much of a disruption Z is in class, or how destructive he can be. I was mentally preparing myself for the worst.
Conference day came and Z spent the day at Y camp while I worked. They always wear him out and as expected, he fell asleep on the way home. Dan agreed to stay at home so I could attend Z's conference. My appointment was at 7:15 but I arrived early on the off chance the teacher would be finished with the previous appointment. As I'm waiting I walked the hallway looking at all the kids artwork on the wall. One project was to describe a pumpkin. My son's was the worst of them all. Sloppy handwriting, broken sentences and thoughts, just a mess in general. Another project was decorating witches hats. Again, my sons hat is the one that is a scribbled mess. Others had designs, had drawn pictures, words wrote, etc. To me, another sign that I was failing my son. Along came 7:30 (along with the 7:30 parents) and I'm still waiting.
Finally his special education teacher came down the hall to see me, she gave me a hug and thanked me for everything I was doing for Z. Wait? WHAT? How could she say that knowing I could have come to this conclusion weeks ago? Z wouldn't be suffering like he is. We sat in the hallway discussing his classwork and certain observations that were going on. 7:40 came and Z's teacher finally wrapped up with the prior conference. She greeted me with a huge smile and said "WOW! Never in my life have I had a parent move as fast as you. I cannot wrap my head around everything you have accomplished for Z in the last 72 hours. You amaze me!" Okay... this is not what I was expecting.
Yes, Z is having behavioral issues but his work isn't really suffering too bad academically. Math is Zander's strength and English is his weakness. Most importantly he knows the work, he's proved it. He just cannot stay focused. He will get bored or convince himself the work is too difficult and he just shuts down. The teachers continued to dote on Z, saying how sweet he is, always helping, has a contagious smile, hard worker when he wants to work, they absolutely adore him. After listening to everything, I left the conference feeling really good about my son. I am positive that keeping Z off medication is going to hold him back. For the first time, I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. If we can settle his thinking and stop the racing thoughts, he should be able to concentrate and do his work, hopefully without as much frustration. That is my hope.
December 4 is such a long way out. My head was racing with thoughts, questions and concerns. How much is Z going to miss while we wait to get into his pediatrician's office? How much more can I take, physically and emotionally? Most importantly, how much education will he miss because of his inability to stay on task? I finally decided that this was how God wanted this story to unfold. There is a reason Z is has to wait until December. I gave this situation to God.
The following Tuesday night, about 6:30 my phone rang, it was the pediatrician's office. The doctor had looked at the stack of papers I dropped off and agreed Zander needed to come in sooner. Praise the Lord! Monday morning is our appointment. This is such a relief knowing on Monday, Z and I will take the first step to hopefully a bright (and less traumatic) future. I find myself now thinking about all the positive that the world can hold for us... mostly Z. It's about time for a new chapter in our lives if you ask me. Z deserves to be happy and to have a carefree childhood, well as carefree as possible. It's time to turn the page.
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